This is a personal reflection from Sabriena. Any views or opinions represented in this blog are personal and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the blog may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated.
Motherhood is one of the most challenging yet rewarding journeys one can embark on. From the first very moment our children are born, we are thrust towards the new world of responsibilities, love, and growth.
As a mother myself, there are lots of things I've learned and experienced over the years and I believe this journey of mine has a lot more to serve me in the future. Here's what I have learned about motherhood despite the imperfections.
1. The Aspiring Perfectionist
I was an aspiring perfectionist. I have my own to-do list updated daily, I noted all family’s appointments on the calendar, kept the house all tidy and clean and my laundry basket was never full! WelI, I grew up in a family where cleanliness is emphasized. As motherhood embraced me a few years ago, I had a hard time adjusting with healing (I had a urethral catheter for a week) while taking care of a new tiny human. I cannot help but to notice how messed up my house was and how everything was out of order. But of course, I told myself that recovering was my priority and will wait for the right time to clear this mess up.
2.The Breaking Point
Months passed, I tried doing everything I could but to no avail. With my then baby becoming mobile, I had to watch him like a hawk even though we already child proof our house. At this time I already stopped accepting guests because I couldn't keep up with everything – tidying, cleaning, folding that pile of laundry, vacuuming and dusting. My husband tried to help, but being perfectionist as I was, I had to re-do everything he did because it is just not the way I want it to be.
Like anyone would have expected, this took a toll on my mental health. I became a walking time-bomb. My son, being a baby, cannot explore his own home. All his toys are packed in a huge plastic bag, inside his playpen. I only took out a few toys for him to play inside and forbade him from taking out the toys. I wore him and did the chores. My back and waist ached. My husband also faced the music. I would nag night and day about how he did not help around the house just because he's working. It only roots from me wanting to keep everything in order.
3. Embracing Imperfection
I noticed how the atmosphere changed. My husband won't talk much and our son only becomes playful when his father’s around. I knew I had to do something. Slowly, I learned to let go of control and just accept the unpredictable nature of motherhood. I shifted my mindset about how making small progress is better than doing everything at once. I could clean one room today and another room on another day. Other than that, I realized how the tidiness of the house does not reflect my worth as an individual. I learned to go easy with myself, and loosened the ‘standard’ of cleaning and tidying in our home. Thank God, everything’s back to normal again.
Perfectionism in motherhood is a myth. No one is perfect, and striving for perfection can harm our mental health, our relationship and our ability to enjoy motherhood. This challenge has shaped me as a person by teaching me the value of flexibility and adaptability.
By embracing our imperfections and learning from them, I believe we can become the best version of ourselves – better, happier, and more fulfilled mothers.
You could be a new mother with a sleepless newborn, or you might be a seasoned pro that could use a support or two, I hope my sharing can be a light for your own motherhood journey.